The second of the three things that are under the complete control of the human mind is impulse. (The other two mentioned in chapter one of A Handbook for New Stoics being thought and will.) Impulse here is not necessarily the normal way we think of what an impulse is. When we make an impulse purchase, we think of the impulse being the urge to buy something that we had not set out to intentionally buy. But here we are not considering that urge - that fantasy that pops into our head of what good things await if we buy this item that we have not set out to buy - but the way we contemplate that fantasy. We let the fantasy play out in our mind we form the thought that the thing is good. And because we think that it is good, we desire it. We may not be able to control the image, or even in some cases thinking about how the image is good, be we can check ourselves on whether not this is something we desire.

Last night I was playing games with my partner and her children. Often times when we play one game - such as cards - we'll banter or play another game at he same time such as listing songs with the word "wind" somewhere in the lyrics. (It is to my great satisfaction that I introduced this east coast family to that stately midwestern tradition known as euchre.) One of the recurring jokes in the family is my singing ability, or more properly, the lack thereof. A collorary of the poor quality of my voice for singing is that I also often sound funny when I talk. So we segued into a game of "think of things that would be funny if Lee said them".

The background to this story is that I have a hearing impairment and tinitis. High pitches and shril noises irritate me. If they are loud enough enough they cause physical pain. When in a noisy atmosphere, I have trouble following conversations because of all of the background noise. It takes a good deal of effort for me to pay attention. And yesterday was a stressfull day, full of noise. And it was unpleasant when the game of "think of things what would be funny if Lee said them" unintentionally turned into a game of "say things loudly in a high pitched shrieking voice". With each person that took their turn, my mental and physical discomfort grew. The winner of the contest was the loudest shriek.

My partner had also had a very tough day. Her day was far more stressful than mine. The game of funny things to say was making her laugh. And while we were playing, I had an image of her laughing and having fun. All I wanted to was see her smile and hear her laugh. And I put on my best game face and tried to shriek. It was genuinely funny. I could not do it with a straight face even though it hurt. The high pitch bouncing around actuall inside my head in addition to coming out of my throat was painful. I had a cold and trying to force out sounds well outside of my natural range also hurt.

And, again, it was genuinely funny and I couldn't stop laughing long enough to try and get the words out. But I desired to make my partner happy. To be able to say the magic phrase with a straight face, I mentally searched for something sad that I could reflect on. The first thing that came to mine was touching the cold, lifeless hand of my deceased wife on that day I found her dead. My face sombered. I managed to get the phrase out in a shriek. My partner laughed so hard she fell out of her chair and that made me so happy. But then I was morose as well as physically and emotionally pained.

And then my partner noticed that I was not having fun. And the evening rapidly fell apart.

The urge to make people close to you laugh and smile is a powerful one. Images too are powerful and often we have a good deal of control over which phantasms we call to mind. We don't always know what the full effects of these things will have on us. But they are under our control.